9 Tips on How to Mess With an Ebay Seller

ebay-seller

Make life more interesting

Everyone knows that Ebay is a great way to live the American Dream and get rich quick… but it’s also an excellent source of entertainment!

An Ebay seller is usually a disgruntled sort, because they are already selling a product for half its retail value.  On top of this, they get additional ass-rapeage in the form of Ebay and Paypal fees.  Still, they’re Corporate Fat Cats who don’t deserve the money for their work, and must be dealt with.

Here are some sure-fire tips on ways to piss off an Ebay seller…  Because hey, they deserve it!

1. Be a Cheap Bastard

This is a prerequisite for any Ebay Buyer.  You don’t want to be bothered with retail prices, because dammit you’re an American.  If you’re on Ebay then you’re looking for a bargain, and you want to get new quality name-brand merchandise for a quarter of its value.  That’s what Ebay is all about!

Be sure to tell all of the sellers that their products are overpriced (even though everything is less than the cheapest retailer).  Try to strike a bargain with them.  If they won’t reduce their price, then make them pay for shipping!  Be sure to inquire about buying the product for less than the opening bid, especially if they have a “Buy it now” price listed.

2. Be sure to tell your life story

Every seller on Ebay is a person, right?  People are compassionate and will certainly be swayed by your personal story of how your stepmother’s dog “lifted his leg” onto your boyfriend’s computer and fried the motherboard, and how you need a new one but are on a fixed income and can’t pay until the 1st of the month.  Nevermind how you have a stepmother AND a boyfriend… or how you’re able to ebay without a computer…

Sellers like these stories, and they certainly value these stories over paying  their mortgages.


3. Be sure to let your personal life interfere with the transaction

When you actually win an item, make those seller bastards squirm a little.  Say that you “forgot to pay your car” and that you’ll pay them next Friday.  What are they gonna do, cry to their momma?

There’s nothing the seller CAN do!  They’re stuck with you, at least for a week or so.  Sellers can’t cancel the transaction or complain to Ebay for a certain amount of time… and it would actually cost them more money to re-list the item!

If you actually get a seller who knows what they’re doing then they may try to cancel the transaction for any number of valid reasons, but it takes a few days to resolve this…  so snipe them by sending the money via PayPal and then they have a ton of crap to deal with!  Now the seller has to send you the item or return your money via PayPal; and NOW they have an extra listing to cancel, and they have to retract their complaint with Ebay like a little bitch!

4. Always contact the seller and offer to “buy it now” for less than half of the opening bid.

This goes hand in hand with being a Cheap Bastard.  Sellers expect certain ethnicities to be ruthlessly cheap (you know who you are), and they love to hear from their South Asian friends.

Here’s a little secret that not everyone knows: Ebay sellers LOVE to haggle!  If a seller is listing a product that’s worth $800, but is still losing his shirt by selling it for $450, then offer to take it off their hands for $250, and insist that they pay shipping.  Extra points if you do this on the first day the product is listed, and get in their head by telling them there’s no way they’re going to sell their product.  You’re the customer, and the customer is always right, right?

On the next page we show you 5 more tips to disgruntle those Bastards…

13 Comments

  1. Daryl Cromer

    December 21, 2015 at 9:53 pm

    Here is a great “seller screw” and eBay now sides with the buyer regarding all transactions. Now follow me closely, I [the seller] sold a civil war era 12 pound cannon ball for $187.50 to an auction winner. By weeks end I saw where the buyer had left me great 5 star feed back on the item and I returned the same for him. Two days later he filed a complaint with ebay saying the cannon ball was actually a “shot put” used in sporting events [therefore an item significantly different than that posted.] Ebay instantly refunded the buyer his payment from our Pay Pal account and gave me the option of paying for return shipping if I wanted the item back. I did, so I sent the buyer $12.95 for return shipping via Pay Pal. The buyer refused to respond to my emails and in the end I was out the cannon ball, the payment and the return shipping that I sent [and never received the item back.] I was angry sure but at the same time “educated.” Look at it as a way of financing those pricey ebay items that you cannot afford to bid on. Providing you have the initial payment just win the auction, send the payment, leave great FB and request the same. Two days later file a similar complaint with ebay, ebay refunds your payment from the sellers account and you have both the item and your money back! Whether a seller accepts returns or not ebay will still refund the buyer from the sellers account “it is a new policy.” Daryl

    • Daryl Cromer

      August 18, 2016 at 7:10 pm

      Great eBay buyer screw for sellers. Attention sellers, by nature I am honest Joe but for those of us who are less $$$ fortunate, a “seller screw” can be crippling when we have bills that must be paid. I’ve been on the receiving end so many times that I just decided to take a stand. Step 1. Run a listing but be sure and throw in some low dollar items for those who like viewing your “other items for sale” before bidding. Step 2. List a few items that are sure to draw bidders attention. [I deal in collectibles and I’ve always done well with “vintage lunch kits” and “WW2 German Items.”] Go with what you know best, using items that you have or can obtain photos of from other sites. Step.3 Now that you have your “dummy listings” up and going you are sure to draw bidder’s questions. A number of these will be offers “to purchase your item for sale outside of eBay!” Precisely what we were fishing for, “an outside eBay transaction!” These bidders are anxious to buy low when it is something they hope to clear big bucks on [so don’t feel conscientious about screwing them when they’re initially trying to screw you.] Step 4. The eBay messaging system will not allow email address exchanges between bidder’s and seller’s so you will have to let your bidder know this. Email addresses can be exchanged by encoding them [example; wadsworthsc [symbol]gmail [symbol], by either you or the buyer doing this the two of you can discuss the details “outside eBay.” Step 5. Bidder contacts you via email concerning the item they’re anxious to purchase. Rather than send them a Pay Pal invoice, send them a Pay Pal Money Request. When this is done on the seller’s end it doesn’t look so much as though they [the buyer]is sending the money as “a gift” on their end. Step 6. Now while it may appear as though we’re taking the victim’s money and running with it “we’re not.” Not sending anything at all would be “criminal” in a court of law. We’ve covered ourselves with eBay and PayPal,..now we have to cover ourselves!! Mail them a reproduction of the item or “a rock for all that matters!” What we need is a tracking number and preferably one with signature confirmation! You can change the zip to the next adjoining town if you like, use someone else real mailing address, etc. [just to add to the confusion.]Step 7. Now that we have a tracking number in our possession we are “legally covered” within the eyes of the law! The worse anyone could accuse us of is being “bad sellers”,..but they cannot prove us “criminals.” Step 8. Buyer is frantic, he’s been to his post-office, the post-office in the next town over,..finally he decides to contact the authorities. [worse case scenario of course.] Step 9. Buyer contacts your home town police department and you receive a knock at the door. You produce your tracking slip and there is nothing they can do. The matter becomes “civil” then. Step 10. Providing your victim has their limitations as to how far they are willing to pursue this matter,..if they should choose to pursue a “civil suit” they’ll have a long road ahead of them. The further away the victim lives the better and if they’re in another country [the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice!] If I [the seller] lived on the east coast and my buyer [the victim] lived on the west [say California], they would have to travel to my state to file the civil suit, “go back home to California” and return 2 weeks or more, later for the trial date! That is roughly 12,000 miles total, regardless of the outcome. Should it go to trial,..his word against mine “and I have the tracking slip in hand!” Step 11. This con can be used anytime throughout the year but anything abused will eventually come back to haunt you. The perfect time to pull this fiasco is in close vicinity to Christmas. Post offices are flooded and behind on everything,..a postal nightmare with an endless list of customer complaints. Step 12. If you’d rather not go PayPal, try postal money order. The beauty is that the buyers hands are literally tied for two weeks before the postal service will even check on it’s status. Step 13. Advertise “delayed shipping” in your eBay listing because of the holidays or work out of town. In your listing always state “economy shipping” or “UPS Ground” rates. If your buyer pays with a postal money order you can stall 2 weeks off the top, an additional week for the shipping delay and up to 14 days for economy or UPS Ground delivery [played right it can be like waiting for a package from Russia.]Step 14. As a law enforcement official told me; “always send something”,..it is the difference between “a civil suit or a criminal charge.” Step 15. Don’t be greedy, make out that Christmas list and plan your auction listing in advance. Run 10 day listings, entertain all offers “outside eBay” during that time. Step 16. Always remember, your PC as well as your hard drive know where you’ve been and will tell on you if confiscated. As a rule of business my first purchase is always a new “used” computer system. I have two systems on stand-by, ready to switch out at anytime. Step 17. I recommend a site called anonymousspeech.com,..free service but advanced services require payment. Untraceable email and self destruct email through this service. After day three your emails sent literally disappear from the inbox. These emails are also not able to be printed. Step 18. For adult entertainment purposes only, not recommended for use of course.

  2. Mr. Spam

    June 22, 2015 at 7:11 am

    I was selling an antique clock in an auction on ebay. There were 23 watchers and 9 bids where the total was at $101.00 with about 2 hours left in the auction. I got an email from someone asking if I would cancel the bids and sell it to her for $50.00, because that was all she could afford, but really, REALLY wanted this clock.

    • Daryl Cromer

      August 18, 2016 at 7:27 pm

      Can you even end a listing with less than 12 hours remaining ?? I know you can cancel bids and end listings but within 2 hours of closing ?? As for the bidder inquiring about the clock,..money talks. She should probably look for a made in China “copy” at Big Lots. LOL

  3. Esselle

    March 7, 2015 at 3:32 pm

    Lol, I remember a guy called me once and told me how he was on benefits, couldn’t afford it, would I do it cheaper off eBay?

    Anyway,I did it almost cost-price for this guy that’s disabled and the supplier sent a damaged item. The buyer wasn’t bothered that it wasn’t my fault or the item hadn’t been returned yet, he just wanted his refund.

    Taught me that they’ll always look out for their own pocket but they won’t return the favour for sellers. Cheap guy started moaning that the return cost him parcel tape to tie up again smh

    • Daryl Cromer

      August 18, 2016 at 7:41 pm

      I am disabled and my finances are pressed but luckily I had a 30+ year collection of antiques and collectibles to draw off of. Concerning your experience, this man had “no return rights” since the transaction was outside eBay but on the other hand you were likewise selling an item that you did not have physically in your possession [which is a violation of eBay policy as well.] Your not able to use secondary suppliers, drop shippers, etc. when listing on eBay. If your buyer had completed this transaction on eBay you would have been held accountable but he would have to return the item first of course. What a seller lists on eBay, he is accountable for,..it is his account and he accepts responsibility for the items he sells through it.

  4. knight4444

    January 7, 2015 at 11:26 am

    Many ebay buyers are cheap bastards!! they want something for nothing!! GROW UP!! you want quality? damn it pay for it!!!

    • Daryl Cromer

      August 18, 2016 at 7:55 pm

      Welllll,..it is a little harder done than that knight4444. Take me for example; I use to have a high paying job and did well for my family. An accident robbed me of my health but I had a family and had all intentions of getting better so I didn’t seek benefits as quickly as some would have. Six years later my health had diminished to where I just couldn’t work anymore but when I applied for SSD, too much time had elapsed so I could only collect SSI [social security income.] You surely cannot support a family on that so I began selling off a 30+ year collection of antiques and collectibles. I’ve always been a collector but I haven’t always been “cheap.” I cannot afford to “play the game” but “I still want to.” Depends on a seller’s finances I suppose,..a cheap offer can be a pot of gold on any given day. That which you’ve been blessed with can suddenly be taken away as well. Double think before criticizing,…some may be trying to get something for nothing. Some may be sincere though. The most I’ve ever asked of a seller was a delayed payment until the 3rd of the month but that is it.

  5. ted 1

    July 9, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Just screwed me for $1875.00. Pro buyer said never received. Tracked-DC-Insurance all checked, Said I didn’t pay for Delivery Conformation.

    Are you Kidding Me !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Ebay !

    • Daryl Cromer

      August 18, 2016 at 8:04 pm

      Ebay will side with the buyer every time with their new “Hassle Free Return Policy.” In some cases they do not even have to return the item “and still receive their refund.” Don’t be mad,..”get even.” Hard to do for the honest man but even Jesus had a tantrum in the market place [on the temple steps] one day. You may not be able to get even with THE GUY but you can “pass the buck” as I like to call it. No it doesn’t make it right,..but it is just a necessary evil when wheeling and dealing. If you want to break even sometimes you have to wear your “black hat” to the rodeo. Best of luck and before I would let this scenario eat me up inside,..I would pass it along just as quick as I could.

  6. necl

    July 4, 2014 at 3:19 pm

    Funny read, but unfortunately these are daily experiences of an ebay seller.

    • Daryl Cromer

      August 18, 2016 at 8:12 pm

      I agree neci, but let us not forget that the power to turn these mishaps around is within our grasp. It is a matter of ethics, morality, turning the screw on someone else or “passing the buck” as I like to call it. Unless a seller is just so $$$ blessed that the screw doesn’t set him back any. There are some, like myself who aren’t so blessed. We have family’s to support, bills on top of bills and this is our bread and butter [as bread winner’s.] I am a white hat power seller but I’ll put my black hat on when I have to. I just do what I do when there are losses to recover, nothing personal, just business.

  7. Cetus T Yoddle

    July 7, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Wow….sarcasm wasn't wasted on me!! Great article & way too close to home on ALL of these points!

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