You want to bring back WHAT?!

Like most gamers, I have been keeping track of the Nintendo Wii.  It came out with a few games to give even the most mundane gamer a hard-on for motion activated gaming, then added a few hundred more when it became a bigger success than the first test run of the Manchurian program.  Now everyone and their grandmother (literally) is logging away the hours in front of their flatscreen televisions playing tennis against a cartoon character with a large moustache.

Now, before you swing your Wii-bat at my virtual head, keep this in mind.  I was up for long, sleepless hours playing Atari after it was no longer popular.  I defeated every original installment of Marios Bros. right up to the SNES in record time.  I even managed to kick the shit out of TKO, Dig Dug, and Wurm all in one single day, just to see if I could do it.  And I could.  Back then.

But those games and consoles are no longer popular.  Nor should they be.  We have moved into an era of gaming without having to use only buttons.  Time to say goodbye to that dumb ass vibrator in your Playstation controller.  Yes, those things are very gay.  Controls will soon be handled by the mere motion of a body part or a thought from the mind.  So when I heard that they were actually bringing back Duck Hunt for the Wii, I had to pause and re-evaluate my rational primate brain.

Not only was Duck Hunt quite possibly the most bottom-of-the-gene-pool game ever, but they actually wanted to bring it back and make a buck off of it long after it is no longer fun.  I can see keeping the Mario Bros. alive, but Duck Hunt?  I keep thinking to that commercial for one of those Game Services, Gamefly I believe.  The guy picks up a game and reads it aloud, “Let’s wait in line.”  We are now using technology in our game consoles that are capable of rendering and producing the most life-like gaming of all time.  We are wasting it on a game about shooting quacking ducks that fly across the screen.  Excuse me if I’m not jumping into my shoes to make a run to Game Stop.

I could literally reach into a box in my closet without looking and provide an ample list of ancient games that would be more than fitting for recreation on the Wii.  And event the ones I hated the most in the pile would still be better candidates than Duck Hunt.  I have a suggestion to the guys at Nintendo.  The next time you get the urge to resurrect a dinosaur, try something that didn’t deserve to be extinct.  And don’t give me any sales numbers either.  I’ve seen the amount of “wanna be gamers” that crowd gaming conventions.

One more thing, what the hell were you thinking putting Resident Evil on rails?  What is this, a mid-90’s arcade?

Don is an avid gamer, writer, screen writer,part time game maker, film director, and horror film fanatic. You can check out his book "How to Survive Zombies and Other Disasters" on Amazon.