The Wrath of El Pato

It’s good to finally be back. The Wrath is here kiddies! It’s a short one, I know, but the itch to write a column turned into a throbbing pain that I just couldn’t get rid of, so short or not, let’s make fun of the industry.
Sorry about my absence. Between moving, game playing, and job hunting, I just didn’t have the hour and a half needed to write a column, you all forgive me right? I HAVE been recently playing Lost Odyssey though. That game is pretty good storyline wise. Game design wise-not so much. I am into the story, but the load times and archaic combat system will probably keep me from ever playing it again. Chrono Trigger’s battles were more with the times than this thing. Seriously, what ever happened to ATB battles? Bring those back, these dumb turn based affairs are just boring. I like JRPG’s but not this stuff that’s been ran into the ground.
But then there is the main bad-guy: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is how you make a video game villain. Not some whiny overly Vice-ish bitch like Final Fantasy XII’s Vayne. They made the bad guy here really compel you to want to beat his ass! A lot of games nowadays don’t make me want to do that. I could have cared less if I fought Vayne in FFXII.
Anyone remember Kefka? Or Sephiroth? How much did we want to kick those two scumbag’s asses? Pretty bad. I couldn’t wait to get to Kefka’s tower with everyone to open up a can. And Sephy pissed me off so much with the whole Aeris thing that I was LEVELING just to beat him so quick. Or even Liquid Snake? When you played Metal Gear Solid, I know EVERYONE wanted to just beat the living tar out of that piece of crap. Villains are just so bland now *mumble*.


I read that Germany is planning to have game demos in department stores turned off during school hours because too many kids are becoming truant and watching/playing them.-
-Wait a second, kids are skipping school and playing arcade games? And they just want to order them turned off during school hours? What the F*ck? Yeah, by all means let’s not just grab a phone and call parents telling them their kids were truant because they went to play video games-that would make sense.
So what about everyone else that is killing time on their lunch break or day off? They are supposed to just go along with it? Come on! Let’s not go straight to the source, let’s not ground those kids or give them a strict talking to about being truant. Are the teachers watching the school? Are they watching kids leave? What kind of teachers does Germany have? Feel free to pop a 5 hour energy drink in you if you are falling asleep when school kids are walking off campus.
While we’re at it, lets ban all TV on school hours-the kids could go home to watch it. Or let’s ban any soccer games that are during school hours, those are big things and people skip school to watch those, BAN THAT SH*T! Man, and you thought America was f*cked up.
Germany, I have the perfect person to litigate this bill for you. He goes by the name of Jack Thompson, hire him and take him off our hands.

I am not surprised that Street Fighter IV is going super-multi platform. Kudos to Capcom for trying to figure out how many consoles to bring the game out to. Anyone remember when Super Nintendo was the only way to get SF? Then Championship edition came to the 3-button Genesis? Nice to have all the games at a time, but it is weird that it’s news. Capcom isn’t stupid enough to make a game like that not go multi-platform, there are too many fighting game fans nowadays, and Capcom learned their lesson with Street Fighter III (not counting the remakes, the original only was on Dreamcast).
Speaking of Capcom, they supposedly want to find new franchises to make movies with. How about Bionic Commando? You already have the delayed remake, the brand new installment, why not a movie? That storyline would be PERFECT for a movie. Think! All the action with the Neo Nazis (err Badds), the bionic arm, the storyline is just the right length, this is the best opportunity for a movie. But they will make another Resident Evil rehash I bet.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don’t think Metal Gear Solid III is going to sell PS3’s. While I may buy mine for it, it isn’t going to get the gaming masses to buy the system. Despite what Sony may have you think, everyone who was going to buy a PS3, has pretty much bought one. Granted, there will be a small spike in hardware sales for MGSIII, but everyone has next genned’ their stuff as much as they felt. If they weren’t gonna buy a PS3 by now, well they probably aren’t ever.
Like I said, there will be a small spike, but not much considerable. Just wait until E3 this year when Konami turns around and says that MGS III will be out for the 360 next year, trust me, that exclusive bullsh*t isn’t going to last. MARK MY WORDS!

Alright, since I am on the mind of villains, next week: The top 5 villains in video games. Send me some emails if you got a fav you want me to mention, I may give it some though. Later dudes!

If you need to get in touch with me, use the above email address and I will respond ASAP

Patrick is a freelance gaming journalist and crime-fighting penguin at night. He has tweets, and you can follow them.