Disclaimer: This blog post has nothing to do with technology or gaming. It deals with an important matter to me and I have to write it and get it off my chest. Please do not read this if you are looking for something that might benefit you tech-wise.
When I was 12, I was lying on my couch reading a book. There was a knock at the door, and I got irritated. I was a disgruntled youth and everything pissed me off, including getting interrupted whilst reading. I lowered my book and yelled “What!?” at the door. No sooner had the words left my mouth when I noticed the person at the door. I was instantly captivated by her, and to my adolescent brain I had fallen for her right then. Her name was Michelle, and she was looking for her brother, who was roommating with my Mom.
Over the course of the last 12 years she and I have been the best of friends, spending more than our share of time just hanging out doing nothing. She is my best friend, and always will be. Nothing ever became of the relationship that we wanted. She was married, and I was way to shy. But when it came to what we had, a best friend, we couldn’t have asked for more. Over the last couple of years we grew slowly apart, it seemed. I moved to Washington, and she stayed in Tennessee. Over the last year she crossed my mind almost daily, but I never called her.
Only 5 hours ago, I was talking to her via a speakerphone on a cellphone that had to be held up to her ear. The cancer that has consumed her body has left her with only 30% lung capacity and a nonexistent ability to move her limbs. And she can no longer speak. From what my Mom told me, she could only cry as she listened to me talk. They tell me that she probably won’t make it through the weekend. We used to promise each other as kids that when the time came to die, we would be their for each other, whoever went first. It looks like I won’t live up to my end of the bargain. I can’t afford to fly right now. And so I sit here wondering if I really am that bad of a person, or if whatever God is up there thought it would be funny to deal the deck and skip on that last card I needed to finish the game.
Either way, I will finish my life, however long it will be, knowing that the one promise I made over a decade ago that had any meaning at all will go unfulfilled, and chances are good that maybe it’s not a choice of whether I’m a bad person, or that God has a demented sense of humor… Maybe it’s both.