Yeah, anyone else remember how bad these things are? Lets just go through 2004 and see how bad these were. I’m gonna skim through the awards for the following years, but this one I want to tear apart. This one I want to go in depth. Why? Because the boss nailed me to a chair and made me watch the stupid stuff. This is worse than Dr. Quinn Medicine woman, trust me, it is BAD.
The awards were hyped in an Ad campaign by famed SNL Alumni David Spade, who said award shows suck and he didn’t want to MC it. Then they said that it was just awards and no bullstuff.
Hey wait, couldn’t they have done it on Spike.com then? What’s the point of an award show if there aren’t any speeches or funny segments? I thought that’s why we watched the Academy Awards? Just seeing a list was boring and we could pick it up in the paper the next day.
Alright, well instead of something like those funny Billy Crystal segments from the Oscars (come on, they were funny), the show starts up with…Jenna Jameson? The porn star? I’m not watching the Cocktum of Solace am I? Wel there was a “secret camera” showing her dressing up or some sh*t like that. Then they cut to the guys who do MXC, you know that Japanese show dubbed over and made funny for five minutes? Actually, to be fair, MXC was pretty damn cool it’s first two seasons, then it actually did get old. Right at this point though, it was entertaining. Then we get treated to Steve-O and Chris Pontius throwing Barrells and going Donkey Kong on each other.
Ooooookay. Well, during this mess of montages and acting, they take us to Jameson out in the audience talking to guys and somehow leading to her saying “I’m just going to take my clothes off”
Hey can we just go back to the original format of the Oscars? This really isn’t working. So far they’ve made gamers out to be 13 year old horn-dogs who watch god-awful shows like wild boys and once in awhile watch somewhat cool shows like MXC.
See, gamers at this point were 18-26 year olds who probably have lost their virginity at this point, seen Jameson naked enough in the porn brothers bought for them that her claims of stripping didn’t really get us excited at all, and watched Wild Boys for all of two episodes because it wasn’t Jackass.
All this is going on for a half hour. This crap would have been better suited for a Super Bowl halftime show than for a pre-ceremony to the VGAs. But I digress, when the real show started, this was golden globe nominated material in comparison.
The show started and Madden 2004 won game of the year followed by a——
*looks back at what he wrote…rewinds the tape and watches it again*
Wait a F**kin second! Madden won game of the year? At the beginning of the show? I guess Spike couldn’t secure advertisements or something because that’s enough to kill anticipation for whatever else was coming. That’s like saying the Super Bowl was the most watched drama! What the hell?
What the hell were they smoking to do game of the year FIRST? Yeah, I guess everyone had stuff to do, lets just get the big stuff out of the way quick so we can go back to homework.
Anyways, after they basically told us they’ve never played a video game OR seen an award show before. We were treated to some band immediately after the award singing some collegate bullcrap that the jocks listened to while they beat me up.
Then we got to see David Spade, for a cool like 3 minutes in the total show. He didn’t’ even introduce anyone, he came on, did a comedy routine, left, came back, told a joke, left-whatever.
I don’t need to spell out for you what I think of the VGAs by now, they were THAT bad. So bad that no one ever watches them every…single…year. Nobody even wants to be close to them, the first year was so screwed up, that we never tuned our TVs again. It did ok in the ratings department because people who DON’T play videogames liked them.
Crap like this is what gives gamers a bad name. Crap like this.