Response to Girl Gaming


El Pato Clarifies Himself

So, I got a scathing email the other day by a female…gamer…who uh, didn’t like my editorial from like, two months ago where I basically blasted girls in video games. Wow, I didn’t know people still read that thing, I thought that was old news.

Anyways, to make a long story short, the letter, which has worse spelling than my stuff does before I run a spell checker, accused me of being sexist, anti-semitist (yeah, I don’t get it either), a pig, and uh, I got called a fart knocker (I am still laughing).

I’m not going to reveal the name because I’m not really in the mood to start a war today, other than this is Ms. X. X for variable, as this is limitless potentially crappy writing. Ms. X, do me and everyone else a favor, go back and read my editorial, realize I’m not making fun of gamers that are girls, then go back into your bunker with spice girls memorabilia, snort girl power, and watch Hillary Clinton campaign speeches while saying you have the women behind you fighting for what you want.

While you’re at it create the swastika for fem-nazis. The usefulness of this attack was just like as if I bought a can that contained my own fart gas for 4.99, but upon opening it I found the sweet aroma of balsamic vinegar. My farts don’t smell that good! They smell like crap, you think I want to open this with my enemy and have them smell good stuff? Give me back my flatulance.

Not to mention I can get the balsamic vinegar for 2.99.

It’s pointless. My article was making fun of how this equality thing everyone was bitching about was segregating the very people that were preaching quality. The real girls who are promoting girl gaming are kicking my ass in Halo every night. The real girls who are promoting girl gaming are talking storylines with me.

The girls who are making Girl Gaming a joke are the cheerleader rejects who need another label to hide behind while they adjust their make-up and hand pick who they want on their own “girl’s team”. Yep, it’s just like every female sorority that was ever constructed.

I’m starting my own all girls clan. Any girl can join, and I will be the uh…cyber-pimp. We’re calling it Sigma Epsilon Chi. Or as the greek letters would make it. SEX. This clan will be devoid of idiot women, it will have beauties, it will have hags, and what will you do when the SEX runs wild on YOU!!!! Yeah, I’ll sit back and laugh while my ladies beat the hell out of all the guys and the dumb girls who have attacked me for my article. The ones who praised it…well they’ll still beat you, but they will be good sports about it. I give it three days upon inception before they boot me off my cyber-pimpage throne and take care of themselves, cuz they don’t need a guy running this thing. But SEX SEX SEX. Whoever wants to actually start my own all girls clan called Sigma Epsilion Chi, shoot me an email, it’s the girl clan that makes fun of girl gamers. WHEEE

El Pato Outo

Patrick is a freelance gaming journalist and crime-fighting penguin at night. He has tweets, and you can follow them.