Read On to Find Out

We read and publish a lot of news here at [OC]ModShop.  We sift through direct emails, RSS feeds, news wires, and just plain word of mouth to deliver the latest news to you, our dear reader.

One thing that just irks me beyond belief is the phrase “Read on to find out” at the end of news snippets. 

Don’t you remember the commercials way back when?…. “What will happen to Luke Skywalker?  Come on in, buy our crappy Star Wars cup and find out!”  “Oh noes! Little Orphan Annie is caught in a coal mine!  What will happen? Tune in next week to find out!”

You think I’m so lame that my entire sanity depends on you telling me the fate of my favorite childhood characters?  How about: I don’t really give a damn.  

Another thing, this sounds almost like the “call within the next 20 minutes” command on TV informercials, to which I respond by immediately changing the channel.   And, by the way, if your article is actually interesting enough for me to want to “find out”, then I certainly will “read on” by clicking the URL.   I don’t need your coersion to intice me to reading your stuff.  Do you think you have the charisma of Vince Offer: the ShamWow guy?

When I see this phrase in news emails (which is overused WAY too much), I really want to delete the email and add a new spam rule to my inbox so I never read any email from this person again… but I’m bigger than that.  I simply copy the snippet and omit the offending phrase.

You will NEVER see the phrase “read on to find out more” or any derivative thereof on any of OCModShop’s news.  Well, if you do, then it’s a tongue-in-cheek joke.  It is possible that some mindless creature falls victim to this little trap, but but I think better of you.  I respect my readers, who thank me by reading OCModShop with AdBlock turned on.

Something dysfunctional this way comes.

Alan is a web architect, stand-up comedian, and your friendly neighborhood Grammar Nazi. You can stalk him on the Interwebs via Google+, Facebook and follow his ass on Twitter @ocmodshop.