Oh, man! It's great to mess with 13-year-olds…

So, I’m trolling the comments on my YouTube videos, and I get one on the Quake 4 gameplay that says “wow you suck at this game”. 

Of course I suck at the game… it was recorded from an Xbox 360.  Not only did I have to play in crappy standard resolution, but I had to watch the output from a hardware MPEG card, which had a 1-second delay. 

I wasn’t mad or anything.  I deal with negative comments every day, and all of them are baseless.  I looked up this 13-year-old kid’s YouTube profile, and saw his hard work that he was putting out on to the world.  He makes horror masks, and they are actually pretty good… for a kid.  Just in a quick knee-jerk response, I picked a random video and wrote “hey you suck”. 

Horror is great and all, but if I were a parent and my tween was obsessed with sleeping with creepy masks, then he’d be seeing a therapist for the anger issues caused by when his father left…

OMG there’s no better way to mess with a 13-year-old than to insult them.  I don’t know him, and have no legitimate basis on which to make a credible insult.  He then proceeded to send me lots of hate mail BY TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO MAKE SURE I HEARD HIM, saying I’m a talentless loser, and putting bad comments on all of my videos. 

Let’s see…

  1. I make lots of money. 
  2. I work for myself. 
  3. I get to sleep with a beautiful woman every night. 
  4. AND I work in the gaming industry, which I’m sure every 13-year-old would love to do.
  5. Oh, yeah… I can make coherent sentences and use spellcheck.

13-year-olds, on the other hand…

  1. Have no job. 
  2. Have no money. 
  3. Have no girls. 
  4. Live with their parents
  5. … and have lots of rebellious anger and Daddy issues.

13-year-old kid, you’ve proven that you’re clearly my superior in every way. 

But I have more integrity and will not mention your name online.  Seriously, that’s not fair… a 36-year-old man picking on a 13-year-old kid… with mental issues. 

If my kids behaved like Internet Brats like you, not only would they get their Internet privileges and cell phone taken away (seriously, why do kids need these things), but they would get the beating of their lives…

Alan is a web architect, stand-up comedian, and your friendly neighborhood Grammar Nazi. You can stalk him on the Interwebs via Google+, Facebook and follow his ass on Twitter @ocmodshop.