The newly-appointed head of the World Linux Bureau (abbreviated WCP) issued a recent statement that has the potential to affect every living soul on the planet. If their demands are not met, Linux will go on strike.
The Linux operating system is one of the longest-running computer systems in history, and has gone mostly unappreciated. “Microsoft and Apple: they have lots of money. We want some of that money.” commented Steven Abootnick, new head of the WCP.
When asked from the press about their marketing plan, Steven replied “Apple has their stupid fruit logo, and Microsoft has their ‘swooshy’ flag thing. We got a freakin’ penguin… how can you beat that? It’s like ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’: Penguin Wears Flag, Penguin Eats Fruit.”
Steven also commented on the industry. “Open Source was obviously a serious mistake. It’s just not fair: Apple stole Linux from us for their OS X and is making lots of money. We only want what is clearly ours.”
“People gloss over us for a mainstream PC, but they sure as hell don’t have a problem when they don’t know it’s us. We’re in web servers, TiVos, and even refrigerators. Most people don’t know this, but you know the clock on your microwave: totally Linux. VCR clocks were based on Windows: and have you ever seen a VCR clock that wasn’t flashing 12:00?”
“We have been working hard to gain support from other ‘competency-challenged’ technologies… ATI, VIA, SiS, and even Packard-Bell all agree that they should have more Internet Money, too, and have pledged their support.”
If the WCP’s demands are not met, then Linux will go on strike at 13:37 on September 19th, which coincidentally is Talk Like a Pirate Day. “The world will take note when their TiVos cut off the conclusion to ‘Lost’ and ‘American Idol’ is replaced with re-runs of The Love Boat. Cities will burn to the ground as multitudes over-cook their microwave popcorn, causing a horrible char smell in offices around the country.”