The new Star Trek movie revisits the adventures of Captain Kirk, Spock, and all of the characters of the original 60s television series. Some have wondered if J.J. Abram’s new movie will appeal to the younger audience, who are the primary demographic of movie-goers…
Well wonder no more! I bring you Kellog’s Star Trek Limited Edition Breakfast cereal!
There have been lots of “limited edition” breakfast cereals in the past. They are “limited edition” because the marketing departments know that these franchises only interest the public for a short time. I remember gnoshing down on Mr. T cereal, nomming on C3POs, and shredding the roof of my mouth with Smurf Berry cereal. Not to be out-marketed, Kelloggs’ new Star Trek cereal should not only appeal to kids, but to webmasters and influential technology analysts in their mid-thirties.
The front of the box looks simple enough. A picture of the new (old) Enterprise apparently about to munch down on some tasty cluster of oats with marshmallows. The side of the package details the nutritional and fiber content, and the back of the package has a nice flowchart: which everyone knows 10-year-old kids just can’t resist. The package does not detail any special prizes or Star-Trek memorabilia: something that other breakfast cereals have already done. Shouldn’t the OFFICIAL Star Trek cereal have semi-officially-licensed, J.J. Abrams-approved plastic trinkets?
Opening the package, our eyes are met with a whiff of the oh-so-familiar scent of oat-based cereal, the most popular being Lucky Charms. This can’t be a blatant rip from our favorite drunken mascot, because Lucky Charms is made from General Mills, and this cereal is made from Kellogg’s.
How do you associate a cereal with the sci-fi universe without transporting it or verbally ordering it from a replicator? You form marshmallows into recognizable shapes from the movie, of course! The top of the box shows all six shapes of sugary goodness that we’ll be nomming:
The bulk of the cereal is made up of oat swirls that are supposed to be galaxies. I find this hardly representative of the real universe. For one, there are four types of galaxies, and none of them look like a cinnamon roll. And second: if you’re far away enough to actually see an entire galaxy then you won’t see any of its individual contents. At best, a bowl of this cereal is the culinary equivilant of the “Deep Field” Hubble photograph. But I digest…
Since the cereal has the same major components of Lucky Charms, it is natural to assume that it tastes like its more-famous oat-grained cousin. It does, and remakrably so. The galaxies are not as sweet as Lucky Charms, and have a much more solid and crunchy consistency. There is very similar marshmallow-to-oat ratio. The cereal also holds up very well when assaulted with a half-cup of whole milk. It takes over thirty minutes to reduce the Deep Field cereal to a nutritious mound of oat-paste. This is much longer than you’ll need to pour a bowl, douse it, and consume it while watching old episodes of the hard-to-find Star Trek Saturday-morning cartoon show.
Also, the cereal isn’t that expensive for a “name brand” cereal. An 11-ounce box of this cereal can be found for $2.50 in your grocery store. Compare that with a 12.5 ounce of Lucky Charms for $3.50 and you’ll see there is a significant bang for your nutritional buck. Only the horribly-generic “Marshmallow Mateys” is cheaper per ounce.
Star Trek Limited Edition Cereal vs. Lucky Charms
|Star Trek (3/4 cup)||Lucky Charms (3/4 cup)|
You can see from the chart that the Star Trek Limited Edition cereal isn’t nearly as nutritious, but has less than half the calories, and one-fourth the sugar and sodium as a similarly-sized bowl of Lucky Charms. The information was taken from the General Mills website, so we’re not certain if this is the information for dry cereal or including milk.
You can possibly also get away with bringing your own snacks inside a movie theater with a purchase of this cereal. Even though cinemas only make money on their over-priced concessions, what greedy corporate manager will turn away a 5-year-old girl dressed as a Romulan carrying a box of officially-branded cereal? Have your cute kids sneak that crap into the theater and have yourself a par-tay.
It is a disappointment that there is no toy in the box, and you have to choose other cereals to obtain any highly-coveted Star Trek prizes. The cereal tastes alright, especially if you love Lucky Charms. You’ll be satisfied in the fact that you’re supporting your favorite science fiction franchise.
Just be sure to eat the Red marshmallows first. That’s the way Gene Roddenberry would have wanted it.