Happy Turkey Day, Bitches!

Today is the day when you go out and pet a turkey on the head.  Then you grab him by that head and chop his neck until you have a flailing body on the ground, blood squirting from the sliced jugular onto the fall leaves.

Then you cut off his feet and drag his big ass up to the plucking area, where you rip the feathers out of his skin handful by handful.  Then you rip his fucking guts out and wash the newly formed cavity of his carcass thoroughly.  This avoids leaving traces of blood or pieces of organs.  That would taste like shit with your stuffing.

Last but not least, wash him in cold water and pat him dry.  Now you can shove all kinds of yummy veggies in the still warm body and pack a crapload of stuffing in there to hold that in.  Season the carcass to taste.  Heat your oven to 325 degrees and shove that bastard in there.  Once the skin becomes a light golden brown cover him and leave him in there for about 4 – 5 hours, depending on the size of your turkey.


Now just sit back and watch the game on television while the veggies and stuffing marinate in the fatty oils that are melting from under the skin of the turkey and the body fluids drip down onto your vegetables and stuffing, giving them an extra dash of spice.  Remember to baste that fucker every hour or so.

DING!!  The timer goes off.  Now you can sit with your family and listen to the stupid shit that happened during the week before while you enjoy the creature that Ben Franklin nominated to be the symbol of our country.  You better thank old Ben.  If he had won then the Turkey would be protected by our government.  Could you imagine trying to track down a Bald Eagle and chop its head off?  Happy Eagle Day!!!

Don is an avid gamer, writer, screen writer,part time game maker, film director, and horror film fanatic. You can check out his book "How to Survive Zombies and Other Disasters" on Amazon.