Girl’s Gift Guide for the Geek Guy 2005


Tell her what you really want

My wife tells me I’m incredibly hard to shop for, and that if there’s something I want then I usually end of buying it myself…

Women generally don’t know what to buy their men, or they want to buy something “personal” or “meaningful”. Men would like something meaningful, too – we just wish you embraced how personal a stick of RAM could be. “Remember the night we shared our first motherboard together, honey?”

Some of the stuff we just need, but wouldn’t want as a gift, like a new motherboard or video card. We will buy these items ourselves. There are lots of other items girls feel their men need (like Dr. Phil’s latest self-improvement tapes or hair-grow gel or diet pills), but Christmas is not the time to introduce these things. Save this issues for another time… a nose hair trimmer is NEVER the right answer, even if we desperately need it. Giving us a new wallet, watch or desk pen set isn’t going to win you any “girlfriend of the year” awards either…

Some of the best gifts are things we want but don’t know we want. My wife bought me a new Xbox the year they came out, and I didn’t think I wanted one. I was a PC gamer and there really was no appeal to the Xbox. Then I found out they could be hacked. It was one of the best Christmas gifts I’ve ever received, that is until my son claimed it as his own. You have to find something he hasn’t seen before, because what men see, they covet. What they covet, they buy themselves without telling you.

Try to find some personal meaning in the technology gifts you buy. There are lots of techno toys that are really neat, but men would never spend that much money on themselves. If your man is a programmer, then try some office toys from the Sharper Image or similar store. Their products are way over-priced and completely useless, much like your 100 pairs of shoes and French-manicured press-on nails. Men like to be pampered, too, but in a different way. We would love to be lavished by that black leather massage chair… or pleasantly awoken on Christmas morning with a “full body massage”

Defining the perfect gift.
That ripped coloring-book page or wrinkled watercolor painting that your kids made will always be treasured, and we will lovingly tack them to our cubicle walls with pride. But we’re after what men REALLY want. If your man doesn’t happen to be the father of your kids, then you’ve got bigger problems that can’t be addressed in this article. Perhaps you should get advice from Dr. Phil during your next appointment (or Jerry Springer, whomever you see first).

I’ll tell you the secret to the perfect Christmas gift. I really shouldn’t be revealing this, as the other men in the club will probably lynch me in the parking lot for sharing this with you. The truth is men don’t want you to know the Secret of the Perfect Gift. That way we can spend our money all year on what we really want, while you feel guilty that you can never find the perfect birthday, anniversary or Christmas gift. Women feel disappointed that they can never please their man, and want to express their love for you with a personal tangible item. Men’s taste is an enigma that cannot be understood by those of the female persuasion. We want you to be in the dark, oblivious, wearing your guilt around your shoulders like a familiar designer scarf: that way we can ride the Guilt Train all year and buy the things we really want.