Crisis Core Thoughts, Former Idiotic Xbox Employees


Welcome to the Wrath of El Pato! The column that tries to make sense of all the crap out there in the video game world!



Really quiet week, guess I’ll just talk about what’s going on:


I have NOT pre-ordered nor done anything preview wise for Grand Theft Auto IV. Why? Because I simply do not care. Before you send hate mail, I will tell you I do plan on playing the damn thing, but it isn’t a priority like some games I need to slog through. I still haven’t played San Andreas for the same reason: it’s gotten old. Now I am open minded about the new directions Rockstar is taking as far as GTA is concerned. But we see this about every sequel to every game, and sometimes it’s just the same thing…again. Not that it’s a bad thing, GTA is a great time killer. But it isn’t the be-all, end-all of video game franchises that everyone says it is. GTAIII was an excellent game, innovative and original for it’s time. The follow-ups were just the same thing with new areas and a $50 price tag. Well worth it mind you, but if all I am getting is new levels and the same sh*tty aiming system, I will probably not play past the first island.


If you haven’t read my review of Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, it should be up by the time you read this. Go read it if it is, I can wait.

            Ok now that you are back. I truly think Square Enix did something good for once with this prequel. It’s actually a good game, gambit free, and it expands an awesome story. It is also finally the reason to own a PSP.

Yeah, great job Sony, it only took you three years to get a killer app for your console. With the price cuts and the slash of UMD, I am beginning to think that this is the PSP’s last stand. Between Crisis Core and God of War, there really isn’t much else. Unfortunately, Sony had to learn the hard way that you don’t F*CK with the Big N in the handheld market. Which brings me to another statement I made about a year ago, the PSP would have been dead a year earlier had Nintendo not released the DS and stayed behind the GBA. There was absolutely no need for it [the DS]. The original Gameboy took down such contenders as the Neo-Geo Pocket and Sega Game Gear, both of which were significantly more powerful than the GB. Lets not ignore the fact that the GB went for nearly 20 years before being retired, the GBA went for a mere four before the DS hit shelves. Leaving the GBA in retailers with a competitive price significantly lower than the PSP would make gamers say “bah!” and stay with Nintendo’s juggernaut. Bringing the DS tells everyone “Time to update” and now they get to choose whether to put the dough on a PSP or a DS since the GBA is “old stuff.” Obviously, the DS being cheaper became the winner as a handheld shouldn’t cost an arm and a leg, but it would have been a swift ass kicking had we not seen it. Oh well, maybe Nintendo now knows not to be afraid of Sony.


I read that the Playstation network store is getting a remake and new content is unavailable for the next two weeks. Well, there really wasn’t any content to begin with, so I don’t think PS3 owners are going to be that disappointed unless if they forgot to download Tekken 1 to their PSP. Honestly, how can a company so relatively new to the console game industry (Microsoft) have such an awesome online network, and a company that has been kicking ass in this for the last decade (Sony) can suck so much at it? It’s like they just don’t care anymore. I don’t care what you say, PS3’s online content SUCKS! Serriously, come on Sony! I DARE YOU!


            I read a blog by a former X-box staff member saying that consoles would be dead by the end of the decade at the latest. Sandy Duncan went onto the record to say:


                        “I don’t think you’ll have any box at all under your TV; most of this stuff will be ‘virtualized’ as Web services by your content provider.”


            Well Sandy you have a good point, however my friend, the web gaming world is still an exotic place. When computer specs are different for every home PC, putting games for download on the web would be virtual suicide. Developers would have to either dumb down their software, or make super huge games that some PC’s couldn’t handle. Yes, this is the same thing that plague’s PC gamers today, the reason why consoles are successful is because a game for the 360 can work on ALL 360’s. Once you put web content up compliments of an ISP you run the risks of memory requirements, connection speeds, graphic bus’s and all that other crap that I know nothing about. So unless if you think that home PC’s are going to have a standard come the next decade, there probably was a reason you aren’t in the industry, because you know jack sh*t.


            And since no one in the gaming industry wants to F*ck anything up, I am gonna call it good. Next week: Analyzing how “The Compilation of Final Fantasy VII” has created enough plot holes to the original to make a Swiss cheese green with envy.


Patrick is a freelance gaming journalist and crime-fighting penguin at night. He has tweets, and you can follow them.